hypocrite.

I was getting on the plane yesterday to fly home,

solo this time.

so I did what any lonely person would do,

grabbed something to read & had a conversation with myself. 

seriously... these were the things I grabbed out of my bag to read on the airplane.

could they not be anymore opposite?

and it got me thinking...

who am i? 

I read a spiritual book, but can't wait to read my cosmo.

I listen to rap music on the way to church.

I go out to eat/drink after I go to the gym.

I stay away from drama and love all of my friends, but watch every episode of real housewives.

I own a clothing boutique, but wore a Target dress to market.

I have a college degree, but still struggle to spell restaurant correctly.

I closed the bar down, but was at the early service at church the next morning.

I am saving money for a car, but bought myself a MK purse.

how do you define this person?

and would I judge this person?

and as different as these things are...

I am both.

I really wanted to read BOTH of those.

I really did ALL of those things, all while feeling true to myself,

yet when I think them out, they contradict.

or do they?

____

I got to reading 

What We Talk About When We Talk About God

first.

and what do you know, Rob Bell feels me on this:

pg.55-56:

"we are both large and small,

strong and weak,

formidable and faint...

we get stuck in traffic on day and find ourselves cursing

within seconds, while another time we sit with a friend who's dying

of cancer and are filled with an ocean of compassion.

the slightest barbed word from a coworker can cause our blood to boil,

and yet as a friend comes down the aisle at her wedding our heart feels like it's

a thousand miles wide...

we're an exotic blend of

awesome

and pathetic,

extraordinary

and 

lame,

big

and 

small.

we hear about people climbing Mount Everest blind,

and we hear about serial killers opening fire in a crowded

theater,

and we're still surprised..."

____

needless to say,

I was tired...

and I finished that whole dang book.

and today,

today I will read my Cosmopolitan Magazine. 

judge me.